


For the Best

by corvidkohai



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 14:43:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20065744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corvidkohai/pseuds/corvidkohai
Summary: Sephiroth has loved two people in his life: Zack Fair and Cloud Strife. When they fall for each other, he makes the hard call.





	For the Best

Sephiroth had been told many times that he could have his pick of partners. 

He understood that, logically. People apparently found him physically attractive (he found himself too alien in appearance to agree). He was wealthy. He had status and power. He was given to understand that these were all desirable traits. 

But he had no interest in people who were drawn to such things. Those qualities weren’t _ him _. They were, largely, meaningless to him. He could understand the draw of physical attractiveness, but his own preferences had always lied in personalities. 

Zack had been his first crush, so many years ago, when they were still in training. He’d been drawn in by his warmth and easy-going attitude. He had been especially drawn in by the outstretched hand of friendship. People were off put by Sephiroth, then, when he’d had no acclaim. He’d just been a strange boy with inhuman features that was freakishly good with a sword. He’d been cold and withdrawn and Zack had reached out anyway. 

Sephiroth had never mentioned his affections. He’d seen the way Zack bounced from lover to lover and had been sure that, if he was interested, he would have made a move. He gave him a knowing look sometimes with something soft in his eyes, and that had been how Sephiroth knew he hadn’t been as subtle as he thought, despite making no advances. He was dead certain when Zack stopped mentioning his love-escapades, ostensibly to spare him any heartache. Zack knew, and Zack wasn’t reaching back. He knew what that meant. 

He had pulled away for a while, and Zack had let him. To a point. Eventually, it drew out long enough that Zack approached him on his own, cornering him in his office. 

“Seph, talk to me. C’mon.”

“I don’t see what needs to be discussed.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Zack said, in a tone that was strangely too soft for him. “If it hurts too much to be around me, I understand, but at least tell me. I’ll back off, I swear. I just need to know.”

Sephiroth had set down his pen very carefully, still not looking up at his friend. He took his time folding his hands on his desk and only after a long, long pause did he look up. 

He studied Zack’s face. There was an understanding, there. He knew the issue and was willing to do exactly what he said he would. But there was a softness, a vulnerability. A hurt. He really _ didn’t _want to lose Sephiroth. He was willing to do what it took to spare his friend suffering, but he wanted to keep him all the same. 

As ever, Sephiroth found himself reluctant to deny Zack something he truly wanted. 

He sighed and looked at his hands. 

“I… apologize,” he said slowly. “It seems I misunderstood.”

“Misunderstood what?”

“I was under the impression that you would rather cut ties. I seem to be incorrect.”

“Well, yeah. You’re my best friend, you big idiot,” he said, but then he softened. “I’m sorry I can’t be more to you, Sephiroth. You’re like a brother to me.”

Sephiroth hid behind the fall of his hair, but nodded. 

“I understand. It would be enough to remain friends with you. If you are so inclined.”

Zack came to sit across the desk from Sephiroth. He laid his hand over Sephiroth’s folded ones and squeezed lightly. 

“Of course I am.”

It had taken some time, but things had settled out into what they once were again. That was fine. He adjusted. It took time, but the crush faded. It wasn’t the love he thought it was, some endless thing that would survive no matter what tests it suffered. One day he’d just watched Zack laugh and realized his heart wasn’t racing, and that had been that. 

He had assumed it would be much the same with Cloud. 

Cloud had been introduced to him when he was still a cadet. He hadn’t thought much of the blond at first. He looked at him with familiar stars in his eyes, and Sephiroth had dismissed him immediately. He was well familiar with hero worship. But Zack had sworn up and down that he was something special, so Sephiroth continued to give him chances. He never _ had _ quite figured out how to deny Zack. 

The strangest thing happened. The stars faded from Cloud’s eyes, but not in the way it usually happened. Usually, he disappointed somewhere along the line, failed to live up to the impossible standard, and their dreams withered and died. Cloud’s hero worship faded, but was replaced with something warmer, more genuine. He started to see Sephiroth as an individual and didn’t seem interested in running screaming. In fact, he volunteered to be around Sephiroth often. He swung by his office in downtime, joined him for meals, offered to exchange PHS numbers. He always seemed hesitant, unsure he was wanted, and it was refreshing, to be on the other side of that, for once. To be able to reassure and reach back. It had always been Zack doing that for him. It was novel to be able to do that for someone else. 

He had known when it had started. Not immediately, but quickly. The way his heart started to race. The butterflies in his stomach. The way he craved Cloud’s presence like he craved air. He filled with warmth when they were together. His eyes lingered, needing to take in every aspect of him when they were together, needing to memorize every smile and freckle. 

Still, he had done this once before. He had weathered the storm with Zack, he could do it again with Cloud. He could kill this love too, with enough time and patience. It might kill _ him _ in degrees to do so, but it was better than losing Cloud altogether. 

He wasn’t sure why it never seemed to be an option to confess to Cloud. It hadn’t been necessary, with Zack. He’d figured it out on his own and made his stance clear without prompting. But Cloud never had Zack’s innate talent for reading other people. To make matters worse, his self-esteem was abysmal. He wasn’t going to consider that Sephiroth might love him. He’d have to say something if he wanted Cloud to know. 

In the end, he thought it came down to fear, which was odd, because few would accuse him of cowardice. But he _ was _ afraid. If he told Cloud, and Cloud rejected him, he wasn't sure what he’d do. He didn’t want to find out. It was safer to hide his feelings and strangle them slowly than be vulnerable. 

Zack, however, was having none of it. 

Sephiroth had caught him giving him those old knowing looks not long after he had figured it out himself. Zack knew what he looked like in love, he would recognize it better than anyone. But Sephiroth ignored every pointed look. He refused to tell Cloud.

He didn’t think Zack would press the issue. 

“You have to tell him.”

“Tell who what?”

“_ Sephiroth, _ you know damn well who and what. Tell Cloud how you feel. He deserves to know.”

“I don’t see how it’s your business.”

“It is because you’re my best friends and you might be happy together if you stop being so hard-headed about it.”

Sephiroth sighed and looked up at Zack. 

“It seems like a poor plan.”

“It _ seems _ like you’re being a coward. And I know that isn’t you. You never shied away from anything in the War, why start now?”

Sephiroth looked down, hiding behind his hair. He spread his hand across the paper he was reading. 

“War is simple. This is not.”

“It could be. It is, really. Just tell him. Go from there.”

“I will… take your position into consideration.”

Zack sighed but said, “Guess that’s the best I can hope for.”

Sephiroth did hold to his word. He considered it. But it remained, in his eyes, a bad option. He knew, now, that he was, in fact, being a coward. He could only imagine what Hojo would say if he heard, but he imagined his bigger hold up would be that Sephiroth dared to have such feelings in the first place. It didn’t matter that he was being a coward. No one would know, but him and Zack, who would keep the secret.

He resolved to keep his mouth shut. He just wasn’t inclined to tell Zack as much until he pushed. 

When he did, it was for unexpected reasons. 

“You have to tell him,” Zack blurted, coming into his office and slamming the door behind him. 

Sephiroth just sighed slowly. 

“I’m not going to, Zack. You can call me what you’d like, but—“

“No, Seph, it’s beyond that. He needs to know his options, and he needs to know now. Go tell him.”

Sephiroth’s eyes narrowed. 

“Why now?”

“Because he—he confessed to _ me _, and I won’t answer him until he knows.”

Sephiroth blinked once. Twice. Then he laughed, and only Zack could hear how bitter it was. 

It seemed fitting, to him, that the only people he ever loved would fall in love with each other. Zack hadn’t said how he felt, but Gaia, it made sense, didn’t it? He, certainly, knew their virtues all too well. He didn’t think anyone knew how much they were worth better than he did. He didn’t think anyone could deserve either of them except each other. It was perfect, really. It made all too much sense. 

“And you feel the same, don’t you?”

“Seph, I—“

“Do you?”

The guilt on his face spoke loudly enough. 

Sephiroth waved his hand and said, “Go to him. Accept. Be happy.”

“Hell no, he should know I’m not his only choice.”

“You are the better choice. You are who I would choose for him. You deserve him. Go and tell him.”

They could both hear what he was saying between the words. 

_ You deserve him, and I do not. _

“That’s _ bullshit _, Sephiroth. If you don’t tell him, I will.”

Sephiroth’s gaze hardened. 

“That isn’t your right.”

“Maybe not, but it’s _ his _ right to know.”

“Zackary, I have tolerated much, over the years. You of all people know what I would do to keep you at my side. But this will end things between us. Make your decision with that in mind.”

Zack gaped at him. 

“You don’t mean that.”

“Have you ever known me to make idle threats?”

“_ No _, but—Sephiroth, you can't. Not after everything.”

“I can. This is what is best.”

“You shouldn’t make that decision for him!”

Sephiroth’s expression softened into something fond. 

“Perhaps not. But I will, because he might make the wrong one. I am confident that the two of you are more compatible, and even if I wasn’t, I won’t leave you to watch us together, wallowing in your own heartbreak.”

“So, what, you expect me to do that? To be happy and then watch you pay for it with your own suffering?”

“I do.”

“That’s—that’s not _ fair _.”

“You’re right. It’s not. I’m making you do what I have no stomach for, and you’ll do it, because you are a better man than I am. You want Cloud to be happy, and you won’t make me watch you suffer.”

Zack gaped at him. He did so for a long, long time, before his hands turned into angry, impotent fists. 

“You’re supposed to be ruthless on the battlefield, not to the people you love.”

“I will do whatever it takes to achieve the best outcome. If that includes manipulating you into happiness, so be it.”

Zack stormed from the room, slamming the door shut behind him even harder than he had when he entered. 

Sephiroth waited exactly ten minutes before leaving himself. He went to the VR Room, where he turned the difficulty up as high as it would go, selected the highest number of opponents, and went to work. 

He knew he made the right decision. His friends deserved to be happy. If he tried a relationship with Cloud, he was sure to spoil it. It would end in heartbreak one way or another, and Cloud would end up with Zack regardless. Best to spare everyone the pain and hurry things along to their proper ending. Zack would forgive him his manipulation eventually. His happiness with Cloud would do much to smooth things over. 

That didn’t mean it didn’t feel like there was a hole in his chest. It felt like his lungs were empty, no matter how hard he breathed. It felt like his insides were rotting. His mouth tasted of ash. There was a scream lodged in his throat that he could not get out. For the first time in many years, his hands trembled around his blade. 

He lost himself in the movement. Easier to focus on battle. Battle was familiar. It was comforting. It was home. Battle didn’t ask his heart to give anything at all, just continue beating. And while that felt like a struggle at the moment, he could manage that much. Not much else, perhaps, but that much. 

He couldn’t actually say how long he was in there. He normally had a perfect sense of time, but he couldn’t quite recall what time he’d entered the VR Room. He just knew that when he left and checked his PHS, it was about 1000. He was certain it had been yesterday when he went in, which meant he’d spent the night training, but he couldn’t guess much beyond that. 

He saw he had two texts on his PHS. 

_ Cloud: _I thought you’d wanna know that Zack and I started dating? just so you’re not uh surprised or anything. 

In another window: 

_ Zack: _fuck you. thank you, but seriously, fuck you. you absolute bastard. 

He sent a congratulations to both. 

He let Cloud babble on excitedly about the relationship. He let Zack curse and rant at him. He ignored the bone-deep ache in his chest. 

It might tear him apart slowly to watch, but this was still for the best. 


End file.
